On April 7, 2023, Brentwood High School will be replacing their normal security team with British Royal guards. The school wants to implement more high-end security in the school to assist with the cheeky behavior of students.

“…” said a British Royal Guard named Wellington, a man of few words. 

British guards will enforce good manners and appropriate behavior. The guards are famously known for their strict attitudes. Students won’t be as quick to act up with the British lads as they will be sent to five corners at once!   

Brentwood will be renting the guards for one school year, paying approximately £20,400 to the royal crown as a fee. Due to the enormous size of the student body, the district needed to rent enough guards to cover both Ross and Sonderling buildings. 

But this does mean that Brentwood will have to cut the teaching staff in half to make room in its budget. Therefore, teachers will need to instruct multiple classes in different subjects. 

Mr. Essex, a mathematics teacher, felt very wary of the new change. 

 “Honestly, I didn’t go to college for six years to suddenly start teaching English…but if the pay is good then you won’t hear a peep from me!” Mr. Essex said. 

The King of England has hopes that the guards will benefit Brentwood High School. 

“I find myself born into this particular position,” said King Charles III, the reigning monarch. “I’m determined to make the most of it. And to do whatever I can to help. And I hope I leave Brentwood a little bit better than I found it.”  

A student who attends Brentwood High School named Shepherd Pie was very pleased with the news. 

 “Oi lad, I’m buzzing about the guards coming to Brentwood, it’s bringing a piece of history from Buckingham Palace to this rugged soil,” Pie said. 

Brentwood will be culturally reset and if this first change goes well then, we can next develop more crumpet culture in the future.

*This article is a satire and is not meant to be taken literally.*