There’s no time to sleep, not with the new and improved alarm clock, Barky the dog. To ensure that students get their proper education, they must be up and at it. So don’t waste your time trying to get a snooze in, because Barky the dog won’t have it!
Barky won’t be in all classrooms, just in the ones where students tend to frequently divert their attention elsewhere. In other words, Barky will be in Math, English, Science and in everyone’s favorite, History! So, don’t worry, you’ll be able to enjoy your lunch in the cafeteria – Barky hates the smell, anyway.
He’s hyper, vigilant, and when he senses so much as a snore or a yap, he won’t hesitate to run and alert a student to wake up or be quiet! You can say goodbye to all those 5-minute naps you fit in while your teacher yaps about the Pythagorean theorem!
“I think that this is the best idea ever invented,” said Mr. Squeaky, an algebra teacher. “Now, everyone won’t make any mistakes on their math equations.”
“I just love the idea of a dog in the class! My students will have to remember the Declaration of Independence now!” said Mrs. Flea.
German Shepherds are fierce animals who adapt to their environment quickly. There’s a reason this breed of dog works for the police: nothing escapes them. Their intelligence is unmatched, and they possess the capacity to easily understand human behavior.
With that in mind, Barky loves to make sure students are on task and extremely focused. He tends to go crazy if he notices slight mistakes and often will go to extremes if students don’t follow his orders. He’s totally nuts and kind of scary?!
“Bro, this dog is so annoying. I can’t even talk to my homies no more!” said Yipper Yap, a student.
Now, if you want to catch a snooze, expect a loud bark right next to your ear! Other times, you might feel a slight powerful hair tug that will leave you on the floor, literally!
“I hate that dog; I need my beauty sleep and I can’t get it with that dumb dog barking at me every 5 seconds!” said Sleepy Head, a student.
Alas, sometimes good things must come to an end. If students exhibit proper growth in their subjects and are seen looking extra jolly and smiley about learning new things, then barky will have no choice but to go back to his doghouse.
“I just love that dog,” said Jolly Jay, an honors student. “His barking to scold other students is music to my ears!”
With this new solution, there is hope for teachers! Now, students will have to listen to them go on and on about their very interesting (not boring at all) subjects. The school has been saved with the help of one yapping dog. Barky for President 2024!
*This article is a satire and is not meant to be taken literally.*
