On April 1, President Joe Biden proposed a bill to ban gum chewing in America. If the bill is adopted, it will be illegal to purchase or chew gum in any public place. Those who are caught with the minty treat will need to pay a $10,000 fine and could face jailtime.

“I know gum has been around for centuries, but we must make a stop to these loud lip smackers!” said President Joe Biden.

As a result, massive protests have taken place. To defy Joe Biden’s proposal, everyone has been buying and chewing gum, spitting it out in the most random places. The buildup of the gum in schools has caused many janitors to quit their jobs.

“I have been a janitor for almost 20 years, and I have never seen a case like this!” said Mr. Whitlock, a custodian. “It is sickening and disgusting how people could leave behind their sticky messes with no remorse or pity.”

It has even caused people to get stuck to objects like desks, poles, and floors, to the point that they need medical assistance to help remove themselves. The gum rebellion has also affected roads, making it impossible for people to drive through without getting stuck. Schools may have to return to digital learning because buses have been delayed from completing their routes.

“This is getting ridiculous!” said Mrs. Allaband. “My child has been stuck on a play-ground for four hours now. I thought she was kidnapped when she was just stuck in gum!”

This has also caused destruction to the Earth’s ecosystems, making it impossible for animals to survive in the wild and even endangering them as paws, wings, and fur are trapped by sticky gum. According to science directors, there has been a rise in hearing loss due to how loud the gum chewers are.

The vibration of their chewing is dBA which are sound vibrations that can make you deaf. Aside from hearing loss, people have also been going bald due to the gum going into their hair – and it may affect future generations!

“Ever since I lost my hair to gum, I have been called so many names like Steve Harvey or Lil Bill,” said Mr. Johnson. To prevent hair and hearing loss, make sure to wear soundproof headphones or earplugs. Keep them tucked in, so they do not fall off. Second, keep your hair oiled and wrapped up to prevent gum from getting in your hair.

“The soundproof headphone technique has helped me a lot!” said Ms. Williams. “The gum chewing has been so loud I have been hearing it even outside my apartment.”

If the gum rebellion continues, military forces might need to be called in to end the striking. Hopefully this sticky mess will be cleaned up soon!