Did you ever say anything hurtful behind another girl’s back? Has another girl ever said anything hurtful behind your back? Also, did you ever feel personally victimized by Regina George?  

Well, it’s okay because you can make up for it by confessing your truly terrible actions in front of every girl in this school. On Oct. 3, you will get the rare opportunity to right your wrongs. It is mandatory that every girl goes to the Sonderling gymnasium to apologize to any girl for their wrongful actions. 

“I believe that some of us shouldn’t have to go because some of us never said anything hurtful behind someone’s back,” said Regina George, a junior. 

Teachers and administrators were influenced by the 2004 movie “Mean Girls.” The gym apologies scene caught their attention. This scene is very empowering towards women as it shows young women being mature enough to own up to their mistakes. 

Writing down apologies and reading them out to every girl in the school will help us get out of our comfort zone and attain a form of redemption. And the girl reading her apology will get to dive into the crowd of girls and hope they don’t plunge into the ground.   

“I want to apologize to my ex-best friend for taking her boyfriend. But I can’t help it that I’m prettier,” said Norma Elle, a senior. 

When asked about the upcoming event, girls were irritated with the idea.    

“I refuse to apologize for making up the rumor about Amber D’alessio having irregular bowel movements,” said Shar Tiana, a senior.  

After this event, girls will be able to move on from their mistakes and learn how to be civilized in a society that benefits from women targeting each other.  

“I want to bake a cake full of sunshine and smiles so we could all be one happy family,” said a girl with a lot of feelings who doesn’t even go to this school. 

When we go to bed at night, we can sleep peacefully without our minds being occupied with negative emotions. Soon, we will no longer be expected to compete over superficial things.

*This article is a satire and is not meant to be taken literally.*