Are you tired of your teachers giving you constant homework? Does it stress you to the point where even your hair is falling out and now you have to pull a Jada Pinkett Smith? Starting September 2025, Brentwood High School is now implementing a new homework policy where students will be able to use a free monthly homework pass!
Beginning in September 2025, teachers will be obligated to hand out free monthly homework passes to students. What does this mean? Basically, students can now use a homework pass to get out of doing any homework assignment to their wish.
To use the pass, students must attach said pass to the front of the homework assignment they wish to use the pass on and turn it in to the teacher. This will grant them a free 100 on the assignment.
“I think these homework passes are incredibly useful!” said Milo Briggs, a junior. “I believe these passes might be beneficial, especially for students who are in extracurricular activities, or just stay at home chasing around their sibling before the house looks like a whole episode of Tom and Jerry. I really appreciate these passes.”
Want to know how to use your pass wisely? Well, follow this simple rule! Whenever your teacher gives you some crazy assignment like the research paper for English or a take-home midterm for math, you can always just staple that sucker on the front of your assignment and turn it in!
“Ok, so let me get this straight. These free homework passes are distributed to students once a month? Finally, an excuse to go home and binge eat sushi instead of grading,” said history teacher Ms. Brooklyn-Bridge.
Sound the alarm! Sound the alarm! It’s a life-or-death situation! All Hell will break loose if you lose this pass! Not only will you produce stress and create unnecessary chaos in your life, but the following list of symptoms may appear: chronic sleeping, contemplation of whether the assignment is worth it, and having regrets on procrastination.
Students obviously find this new policy a great thing, but what about the two people that created these children? Parents know how stressful schools are, but some of them find school to be not as stressful as back when they were students in school. Some parents agree that these passes are useful as it might save the students more time to focus on other tasks such as chores, other projects, or just hanging out with their friends.
However, others believe these passes are rubbish and a waste of educational purposes. These parents believe that just because they had to walk three mountains, fight a bear, and go through the Savannah deserts and share one backpack with 10 other kids, that their kids should grow up and face their own pain. These parents believe in an education where students work hard rather than just coast.
Students absolutely adore this new policy! However, faculty believe that these passes may be hurting the students’ progress in education. But at the same time, these teachers are relieved because they now have less things to grade.
These monthly homework passes are a blessing to not only the students but also the faculty. Thank the board of education on implementing a policy that works best for those who are under stress. Get yours now at either library in the Brentwood High School!
*This article is a satire and is not meant to be taken literally.*
