Have you ever wanted kids to stop walking into class late, distracting you and your classmates from your lesson?  Well, starting next year, students who are consistently late to their classes will be forced to enroll in a new course,  “Time Management 101.” 

Time Management 101 will begin with a lecture on the history of time, from when time started as the beginning of life itself to the present day. They’ll start off from when there was nothing, not even time itself and then BAM! The Big Bang occurred.

“I like hanging out with my friends and walking around the school and trying to buy snacks in between periods,” said Addy Chion, a sophomore. “But I kept getting caught in hall sweeps. That’s why I had to sign up to take the class.”

If the teacher catches a student sleeping or resting their head, they’ll have to stay in the corner for 5 minutes and count the time out loud. This will show the student how many seconds are wasted with small, inappropriate behaviors. This may all seem too excessive, but it will also give students the mindset to not be late and start moving faster to your next class.

“Time Management 101 is the most boring class ever, it feels like time itself is slow,” Chion said. “Time is irrelevant to me. I never even wear a watch. I doubt taking this class will change that.”

Time Management 101 will also have tests, quizzes, homework, and more like every other class. Tests and Quizzes will be time-based giving you a minimum of 15-20 minutes depending on the topic of time. Waste precious seconds and you’ll fail the quiz altogether.

For homework students have to time themselves walking fast in under 6 minutes with distractions ahead of them and blocking their path. All of this will make them learn not to go spend time in the halls even if their next class is next door.

Closing in on the end of the year, for the final assignment students will have to make a map of easy short cuts to their classes and use them while timing themselves. This will give the students motivation to not get caught in hall sweeps or late halls and be there before the warning bell. The teacher will also use some of the handmade maps to see if they are efficient or not and will be giving the student who created the shortest of the short cuts a prize.

Students who fail Time Management 101 and continue to show up late to classes will have to take Time Management 102, a stricter and tougher subject no student wants to take, and no teacher wants to teach. The students will have to write plenty of made-up time related stories for essays. Even teachers will be looking at the clock nonstop for it to end.

*This article is a satire and is not meant to be taken literally.*