My heart pounded hard against my chest as I stared at my father in dismay. He held a pistol to the right side of his head and stared at me, clearly livid, while I rested on my knees. I felt blood drip down the side of my face from the open cut wounds my father left on each side of my head. My back was throbbing erratically because there was pieces of glass stuck deep inside. My father and I fought each other in a grueling duel. We struck each other vigorously with liquor bottles and anything we found in the living room.

This fight was long overdue; I’m thirteen and my father is thirty-eight. The reason behind our fight is because my father hated me with a passion. He was furious with me after the loss of my mother, Laura Cohn. She died after giving birth to me because of major blood loss. She left a will for my father: to take care of me and raise me. My father, Craig Cohn, promised to fulfill her will, but he did it his own way. He abused me my entire life; he became an alcoholic and was always in despair on my birthday. My mother’s death was on my birthday, so every year I would always spend the day at her grave, instead of celebrating the joy of growing up. My entire life was filled with neglect and abuse. My father beat me at least five times a week. I’ve gotten used to all the bruises, but I never spoke a word; I loved my father deeply to let him be taken away from me. I didn’t want to have him taken from me. I wanted to fix his callous heart. It never worked, but I never lost faith in my father. I knew deep down he was a good man, but the loss of my mother had brought darkness into his heart. As I got older, I started doing things on my own: cooking, cleaning and shopping while my dad sat around drinking beer after beer. Eventually, my love for me father started fading and soon became agony; I wanted vengeance against him. All the bruises, scars and cuts I endured from him. I wanted him to feel it also. Soon enough, I was clueless to the word love. My father never even said those three little words to me once. My anger grew more and more, but my father felt the exact same way about me. He wanted to get rid of me from his life for good. Our first duel, was about to be our last once I saw him pull out his pistol.

“Dad…” I finally said, petrified.

“Why’re you so scared now, Austin? You weren’t before when we were cursing and beating the crap out of each other. Don’t act all sympathetic now that I have a gun next to my head!”

“Don’t kill yourself!” I shouted at him desperately.

“I shouldn’t have to listen to my pathetic son…” I looked down and felt my hands slowly curl up into fists. What gives him the right to put that gun next to his head? I’m the one who’s been hurting for years, he’s the one who has been putting me through hell every single day.

“Why the hell do you hate me so much? What did I ever do to you to make you hate me so much?”

“You were born, that’s what happened.” I looked up at him and felt my throat clench up. Did he really mean that? “You took Laura away from me; I can’t forgive you for that.”

“Don’t give me that crap!” I shouted as I felt my entire body tremble in agony. “Stop acting like she was only important to you. Don’t you understand the burden I’ve felt losing her? She was important to me too, not just you!”

“Austin, shut up for a minute and listen to me…” My father kept his pistol up to his head as he stared at me with a harsh glare. I stayed put on my knees; I did what my father asked and remained quiet.

“I hate you so badly, but I promised Laura I would raise you. I hated her will, but I loved her too much to ever break her heart, so I raised you as her son. Every time I saw you smile, it irked me. I wanted you to feel misery. So, I hurt you, both mentally and physically; I wanted to put you through hell. I wanted to put you through all the pain you’ve put me through when I lost her. If you could push through it, I’d finally accept you as my son. My life was worthless without Laura. I lost the feeling of love because of your stupid ass.” I felt my eyebrows furrow as I glared angrily at him. “Austin, you’re pathetic, worthless and a disgrace to this world. You’re a murderer; you took away my beautiful wife right before my eyes-”

“Shut the hell up, dad!

“You’re a murderer, accept who you are. You took Laura from me, and as much as I want to kill you for that, I can’t.”

“Do it dad, you have a gun right there in your hand! Just aim it at me and kill me! You’re not the only one who’s tired of living, you’re not the only one who’s been through pain.”

“No, shut up and listen to me. Although I hated you with every single part of my heart, I still saw potential in you Austin. Look at us…we finally fought each other. I’m hurt badly, so are you; you’ve become strong enough to hurt your old man. I didn’t think you had it in you to rebel like that and stand your ground.” My eyes widened in disbelief as I saw my father half-smile at me. This is the first time I’ve ever seen my father smile.

“You’ve grown up to be a fine young boy. I hated you when you were younger, but as you got older, you grew wiser and learned to take care of yourself. You’ve impressed me Austin; I couldn’t be any prouder…”

“Dad…” I said on the verge of crying. Even though I hate him, even though he put my through all that pain that haunts me until now, I still didn’t want him to die.

“Three days ago, I had a dream; I saw Laura and I standing together staring at the clouds on a beautiful day. As the wind blew through our faces, she turned towards me with a solemn look on her face. I saw that she wasn’t happy with me. She told me how I’ve hurt you badly, and that I had to change myself to fulfill her will. Laura told me, I had to change for your sake; I had to stop hurting you. So, I’m going to fulfill Laura’s will…” With that being said, my father aligned the pistol to his head properly and cocked his gun. My body trembled as I tried to stand up, but my legs were cut up and throbbing in pain from being hit with multiple liquor bottles.

“Dad, what’re you doing?” I screamed. He looked up towards the ceiling and slowly closed his eyes. He saw my mother holding his hand. When he looked down, he saw her put a ring on his left hand.

“I’ll be with you soon, Laura…”

“Dad, don’t leave me. Mom wouldn’t want this; she wants you to keep living! Don’t just do it for her, but for me too!”

“Austin,” He said opening his eyes. I brought myself up to my feet and walked towards him with a petrified look. I reached out my hand trying to grab the gun from my dad, but I felt my heart stop when I saw tears roll down his face as he smiled warmly. “I love you…”

Suddenly, a loud bang burst in my ears; I saw blood splatter across the wall. I heard ringing as I saw my father’s body collapse on the floor. Abruptly, I fell onto my knees and stared at my father’s body. My chest swelled in excruciating pain as I started screaming in grief. Tears roll down my face as I heard my voice echo throughout my house. Violently, I grabbed onto his body and brought my head against his chest; there was no heartbeat…