I walked downstairs to see Alice staring out a window, and I grew concerned since she looked scared. I walked up to her and said her name but she didn’t respond; I then looked out the window only to see a woman on her knees in front of my house. I questioned who she was, but more importantly, why she was crying on our front lawn. I observed her thoroughly. Something about her seemed oddly familiar, but then she stood up and walked over towards my front door. I hurried to it, but then Alice said, “Don’t open the door.” I stopped abruptly and faced her with confusion.

“Do you know her?” I asked. She shook her head. Then a knock came from the other side of the door. “Then, who is she?”

“Stan, just don’t open the door, it’s for your own good.” I put my hand on the doorknob despite Alice’s warning. She was a crying woman. What could she possibly do to us? Ignoring her request, I opened the door to see the woman stare at me in dismay.

“Can I help you?” I asked. She said nothing to me, and just continued to cry. I turned to Alice, who now looked away from us; I faced the woman again. Now I noticed that her eyes looked familiar. “Who are you?”

“It’s me, Tony…” She exhaled in a blissful voice. When I heard that name I felt my eyes widen in horror. I haven’t heard that name since I was a child. I hated that name with every inch of me. That’s when I realized that only one person would call me that was… my mother. I stared at her with eyes full of hatred because she’s one who abandoned me. I scoffed and slammed the door in her face. There was dead silence. Alice left the living room and ran to her room. I started to walk away from the door until I heard it open slowly. I looked over my shoulder to see my mom slowly enter the house; I faced her angrily as she exuded solemnity, but she still had that stupid smile across her face. “Is that how you greet your mother, Tony?” she asked warmly. She started to wipe away her tears. Then, she walked over to me. I couldn’t stand to look at her. I was amazed by my own words, but the warm smile of my own mother disgusted me.

“Get the hell out of here…” I whispered in disgust. “You have no right to call me that.”

“Listen to me son-”

“I’m not your son! You never wanted me. You never loved me!” My mom kept her solemn look, but this time she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into an embrace. I stood there and regretfully took her embrace. She started crying into my shoulder. It’s sad to say this, but I’m seventeen and this is the first time my mother hugged me since I was born.

“Listen to me, Tony. Don’t do this to me. You know I couldn’t keep you. I love you Tony. Why can’t you just hug your mother back?”

“You couldn’t keep me?” I exclaimed in dismay as I shoved my mom off me. She held onto her chest with a hurt look, but I couldn’t even believe what she was saying. “What do you mean you couldn’t keep me? You abandoned me mom-left me in an empty home with nothing when I was six! Don’t you ever say you couldn’t keep me. You never wanted me!” My mom grew silent while I started panting from yelling so much. “I found the papers…” I said softly. I heard my mom gasp. She knew. “All the medical papers and even your letter.” Silence filled the air. Alice sat in her room quietly as she listened to the newfound silence. “So mother, let me get this straight. When I was born, the doctors saw strange activity within my brain that affected my brain cells. The possible concern would be if I lost some of them, I would suffer from a walking disability or possibly autism.” I felt my chest hurt from saying that, but my mom’s face couldn’t compare to how horrible she felt right now. “You couldn’t believe those words, so instead of naming me ‘Tony’, you named me ‘Stan’. Dad wanted to name me ‘Tony’ because he believed I would fit up to the name as a strong boy, but when you guys found out I could be disabled, you named me ‘Stan’ instead. You thought I was bound to end up dead. You actually had the audacity to name me something else simply because you believed I was going to die or end up messed up. I read the letter; ‘Tony’ was supposed to be strong, smart and loved, but you wrote that ‘Stan’ is pathetic, worthless and retarded! You wrote that you wished you could have aborted him, you wished that you could’ve never had him!”

“Tony, I’m sorry!” She pleaded in a hurt voice. “I never wanted this to happen! You’re my son, my only son!”

“No I’m not your son. I never was. You neglected me, mom, and you left me hungry for days and when dad left you…” I inhaled sharply with a forced smirk as my mom wiped her tears away, “you turned to abuse. You started to leave me home alone when I was three. It was so sad that I only ate bread for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I never had a mother to cook for me. You were so afraid to be alone that you left me at home to go out to clubs and bars to meet guys. Do you know the longest you’ve left me alone was for three weeks? I was so young, but everything that you did I remember it so vividly.”

“Tony,” she cried softly. “Please forgive me. I was going through such a hard time when your father left me; I couldn’t think straight.”

“Then why’d you leave for good? When I was six, I saw you pack everything up. You left that night without a trace and never came back home. Do you understand what I went through? The fact that I cried so much until I lost every tear in me.” Suddenly, I felt my chest swell in pain from recalling those painful days that I started shedding tears without realizing; I grabbed onto my chest, only to feel it throb in pain. “I ate everything in the house. You took everything with you mom, I had no money and no family. I had to leave home to look for food. Eventually, I ended up collapsing in an alley from lack of food and water; I thought I was going to die all alone.” My voice started cracking, but my mom just stared at me in dismay. Just like always, she never showed any compassion when I cried. “But, I’m glad that Jessie found me…” Suddenly, my mom’s eyes changed. Now she looked irritated.

“Who’s Jessie?”

“Jessie is my real mother. She found me in the alley and took me in as her own. When she found out about my brain condition, she smiled at me in a way that you never did. She promised to be there for me and she was. Eventually, the doctor said the activity in my brain was non-life threatening. In fact, the doctor said my memory was better than the average person, and that’s why I can remember everything you did to me so clearly. You just wanted to get rid of me when you thought I was going to be a headache, but Jessie stood by my side even though I could have gotten worse or possibly died.” My mother swallowed hard as I started to wipe away my tears with frustration; I stared at the floor and clenched my teeth. “I loved Jessie to death, but the worst was when I brought her back to the house. She gathered everything of mine and took it to her house. She gave me a room with a warm bed. I never slept so peacefully before in my life. When she cooked me breakfast the next morning, I started crying so much because it was so beautiful. You’ve never made me eggs before. I still found it crazy that the simplest things Jessie did for me would always make me cry. She hugged me, she loved me, and for the love of God, she remembered my birthday!” I screamed in agony as I glared angrily at my mother. She just stood there and held onto her left arm with regret. “Jessie loved me, you never did! We did everything together, until that day.” I rubbed my hand down my face and sighed heavily. “After I turned 12, Jessie took me to a park. We sat there together and she said she had to tell me something.” I started crying. I grabbed onto my face and started sobbing softly. “She told me that she was dying, that she was diagnosed with lung cancer.” I started to cry louder when I remembered Jessie’s smile that I could never see again. My mother watched in terror; Alice covered her mouth and started to shed tears from hearing me wail in pain. I remembered that day too clearly. The woman who raised me, who loved me, was taken away from me and there was nothing I could do about it. Gradually, I grew quiet, but my tears couldn’t stop flowing; I continued to stare at my mother with a callous glare. “She died two weeks later,” I sniffled as I started to wipe my tears away again. “I was beside her bed until I heard the flat line of the machine; I cried so much that day. Probably more than when you left me. She was the only one who showed me what love was, she was the one who raised me to be who I am today. Before she died, she decided to give me something. She came up to me with a bunch of papers, photos and a white envelope. I didn’t think much at first, until I found out that it was your envelope, which contained your bitter letter.” My mom just continued to stand there, she didn’t cry anymore and she still kept that stupid look of regret across her face. “That’s when I found out everything…”

“Tony, I’m so sorry you lost Jessie, but I just want you to know something.”

“I don’t want to look at you anymore. Get the hell out of my house!”

“Tony, listen. Your father is dead.” My eyes slightly widened when she said that, but I scoffed angrily and looked away.

“Why should I care? He never loved me either. Why the hell should I care if he’s dead?” My mom grew quiet as I walked over to her. She grew scared for a moment until I violently grabbed her by her arms. She exclaimed in fear as I started to push her towards the front door, she kept screaming at me to stop, but I kept pushing her away from me. I smashed her against the wall as I tried to open the door; Alice suddenly opened her door to see me get the front door opened. She remained silent as I pushed my mother out the door, but as I was about to slam it, my mom pushed it back to keep it open.

“Tony, please listen to me!”

“I want you to get the hell away from me-you worthless piece of-!”

“I’m dying!” She screamed out in a hurt voice; when I heard her, I suddenly stopped pushing the door. I held the doorknob tightly as my mom stared at me with exhaustion. She started crying as she grabbed her head. “I’m dying Tony…I’ve been diagnosed with brain cancer.” I remained silent and just stared at her with an ambivalent look across my face; Alice kept quiet as she covered her mouth after hearing what my mom said. “Your father was murdered, Tony; he got robbed and shot to death outside a club. I’m dying of cancer Tony, that’s why I came back to look for you. When I found out you were still alive, I knew it was destiny to see you once again before I passed away. Listen to me again Tony, I’m so sorry for everything I’ve put you through; do you think you can find it in you to forgive me?” My mom took her hands off the door and stared at me solemnly; I stared at her, still ambivalent from what she said-she had brain cancer? I couldn’t believe it at all, but suddenly I felt myself smirk dementedly, which made my mom gasp softly in fear.

“You have brain cancer?” I exclaimed as I started laughing, my mom stared at me as if she saw her world collapse in front of her, but I didn’t care one bit-this was her pathetic destiny. “Well enjoy your destiny you heartless bastard. Serves you right!” I slammed the door in her face once again, but this time more forcefully and I locked it this time so she couldn’t get it. There was silence on the other side, and I finally walked away from that damn door. My mom on the other end kept quiet, and from that day forth, I never saw her again.