Dear Mother,

I hope that, wherever you are,
you are well and at peace.
I am writing to you to tell you I miss you…

No. I don’t. I can’t.
I cannot miss someone I have never gotten to know.
All that I know of you is your existence,
and how much my family loves you.

Do you remember me?
I am the daughter you left behind with your son and husband.
I am the girl that you left behind with nothing but your name and looks.
The girl that will now follow in your footsteps of instability because of your disappearance.

I am constantly told stories about you or
being compared to you
and yet I have nothing to prove for them.
I hate how I feel about you.

I’m sorry for not understanding.
I’m sorry for hating so much about ourselves.
But mother, why did you have to go?
Why didn’t you fight harder?
Why did you let them take you away?
Why did you let them hurt you?
Why am I the last reminder of you?

I hope you are well.
I hope everything was a lie and you ran away
far from those doctors, far from your parents,
and far from everyone who ever doubted your strengths.

I wish I could miss you.
But then again, I will sit beside my brother’s pain and sigh.

Love, Grace.