Satire: Brentwood Adopts Blobfish as New Mascot

David Castro, Staff Writer

New year, new mascot. Please welcome the Brentwood blobs! Brentwood is experimenting with a new mascot due to mandates that require districts to change team names that relate to Native Americans.

The district put together a small committee of administrators and teachers to brainstorm different mascots to replace the Indians. The committee came up with 3 choices. The 3 competitors for the mascot were a bee (too much buzzing), a bulldog (too much slobber), and a blobfish. Ultimately, the blobfish won.

The school newspaper reached out to the former mascot for comment. It seemed that the Indian was pretty defeated by the district’s decision.

“I’m not going to lie, I’m kind of upset I got replaced with a fish,” the Brentwood Indian said.

Athletes worried about how the new sports uniforms might look. With a giant blobfish on the front of their jerseys, they will undoubtedly have some low morale during games.

“Man, now I can’t look cool on my snap story anytime I win,” said a current tennis player.

One coach also expressed concerns about the blobfish’s lack of intimidation to opposing teams.

“Now we’re going to be laughed at any time we are in a tournament,” said the basketball coach.

Several staff members seemed nonplussed by the decision. The newspaper interviewed an English teacher, a math teacher, and a history teacher for their unique perspectives.

“It’s certainly…interesting but I would’ve picked a different symbol,” said one English teacher. “I mean, what does a blob really say about us?”

“It doesn’t really add up,” said a math teacher. “How did we go from a chieftain to a fish? It would’ve been better if they just went with a simple bulldog.”

“This might go down in history as the silliest mascot of all time,” said a history teacher.

The newspaper also sent out a survey to students requesting feedback on the mascot. It’s clear that students are fond of old traditions and hesitant about the change.

One student’s response read, “someone please come up with something else before I move to a different school.”

Another message said, “whoever came up with this idea needs to think of something better to use.”

Despite the obvious criticisms expressed by staff and students, the district remains cautiously optimistic that in time, everyone will accept the new mascot.

*This article is a satire and is not meant to be taken literally.*