I understand the need to indulge in a character that causes all of her problems and blames the rest of the world as a way to justify your bad habits. But have you guys ever tried this new thing called accountability?

Basically, you acknowledge the errors in your ways and then you own up to them! You can even take it a step further and actively try to change them.

Or maybe you just love the prospect of being bold enough to ask out a hot guy. I mean, don’t we all? But interestingly enough, the act of socializing goes beyond fiction. All you have to do is go outside, find an appropriate suitor, and communicate that you want to go out with them.

How, do you ask? With this complicated thing called words: yet another thing that exists outside of romance novels.

And what if I also told you that those incredibly toxic relationships you look forward to in those chapters are not exciting or healthy! In fact, what good ole Colleen forgets to mention is the fact that they lead to buckets upon buckets of therapy. I bet Lily Bloom downloaded BetterHelp after the epilogue.

But never mind the relentless act of searching for yourself in messes of protagonists and yearning for atrocious relationships. To each their own, right? But genuine works of literature happen to exist.

So, here’s an insane idea: stop leading your friends down the deep, dark Hoover path and start recommending something with some depth.

Did you know that the title of “New York Time’s Best Seller” is based solely on quantity over quality? And the genre of romance includes several Nobel Prize winners. Jon Fosse, Kazuo Ishiguro, Alice Munro, there are over 200: what excuse do you really have?

To read or not to read – that is the question. I’m sure Shakespeare is more of an acquired taste among our current youth, but putting Colleen on the same literary pedestal? I don’t think you could give me a term paper about the symbolism behind a college student finding out her boyfriend’s cheating on her with her BFF.

The edgy main character with a bad family life meeting the bad boy in a leather jacket and falling in love? Shakespeare’s turning over in his grave with this lack of competition. I’ve got a new title for you, Hoover: never growing out of 2014 Tumblr.

The greats of modern literature constantly bless us with their brilliant writing and Hoover….also writes books! And while tastes vary from person to person, so does the capacity of reality. I was shocked when they told me this but, ladies and gents, living your life through cheesy romance novels is unfortunately counterproductive. A synonym for the word tacky.

Let’s stop lying to ourselves and start calling those guilty pleasures exactly what they are: a literary crime.