For the first time ever, Brentwood High School is holding the annual “Ego-Off,” where contestants will prove they are the most special by flexing all their belongings and titles, as well as their number of friends. This event will be held in the Sonderling Gym so that the great contestants may have enough room to compete against one another while the rest of us peasants watch.
“Oh my god, this event seems like it will be so much fun to participate in,” said Catty Purr, a senior. “Obviously, I will win. After all, everyone loves me.”
Teachers have struggled to encourage students to work in groups for projects. This is because some students believe that they are “too good” to work with their classmates. For this reason, the school has decided it’s important for students to experience a “great humbling,” which will only happen if there is one winner who has the greatest ego.
“Honestly, I don’t care about this event,” said Nickolas Wack Dude, a junior. “School is boring, and the people are even more boring. I’d rather not attend an event where peasants can breathe the same air as me.”
The winner of the event will receive a custom-made mirror to admire their own excellence. The event is expected to have a great reception from the ones competing and the ones who will be watching in the bleachers. Some of the fan-favorite contestants are Imbed Thanu, Thanos Maywell, and Logang Pauler.
Five out of every seven Sonderling students have voted for this event to be implemented while the other two out of seven have decided not to vote as they believe they are too good to even care about school events. In Ross, six out of every seven have voted to implement the event while the other one out of seven have refrained from voting as they believe school events are a waste of time – they are just waiting for their high school years to end.
“Bro, I’ll be real with you,” said Daquan Kai Cenat, senior. “I don’t really care about your interview. I’m only putting up with school because my dad’s been on my case about my grades. The event sounds cringe.”
The administrators of the school are hoping the yearly contest will continue to be an eye-opening experience for the participants and audience because people with big egos are shallow and somewhat delusional.
Last year, the competition had a great reception; many people showed up despite them claiming that they were too good to show up. The winner of the competition was a girl named Foxy Rosales who won by showing off her father’s watch collection and claiming that even time bends to her wants and needs.
*This article is a satire and is not meant to be taken literally.*
