I replay that night

Like a punishment I don’t know how to stop.

The night that made my heart drop,

The night I whispered,

“Damn… he did it again,”

Like I was surprised

Even though I wasn’t.

If I could tear time open,

I would crawl back into that moment

And hold my own mouth shut-

Swallow the anger,

Swallow the pride,

Swallow the words that tasted like fire

But burned me instead.

I spoke from wrath,

And now I live in regret.

Funny how the loudest moments

Turn into the quietest endings.

While I was crying into my pillow,

Trying to breathe through the ache,

You were probably on your roof-

Your head tilted up

Toward the stars

Convince yourself you didn’t care.

But that night?

We meant it.

Every sharp word.

Every threat of leaving.

Every “fine” that wasn’t fine.

No contact.

Over a month

And still, your name

It sits heavy on my tongue.

I write poems instead of texting you.

I write verses instead of hearing your voice.

I gave you two poems once.

Now I have more-

Not sweet ones,

Not hopeful ones-

Just pages soaked in “what if” and “why wasn’t I enough?”

Before we argued,

Did you see my eyes?

Did you notice how they lit up

Just walking next to you in the hallway

Like loving you was the easiest thing

I could never do it.

I remember the day we met-

How loud we laughed too loud,

How you gave me a nickname

Like it was ours alone.

Now if someone else says it,

Because that word

Belonged to us,

And now it belongs to the past.

The nights felt special- the late talks,

the stolen glances,

The way I thought we were building

Something is real.

But maybe.

I was building my mind.

Maybe that night wasn’t the end-

Maybe it was the truth finally showing itself

And still…

If I’m honest-

I would relive it all just to hear you call me

That name

One. more. time.