Satire: School Cafeteria to Become Food Mecca

Lunchtime will never be the same.

Virginia Ayala

 Are you tired of plain, old, watery veggies? How about that chicken that’s still pink on the inside? Say no more! Soon we will be having fast food and Cubanita for lunch every day of the school week. Starting this summer, with plans to be finished by the fall, the school will be remodeling the cafeterias to make more room and have more variety in the food choices.

In the cafeterias now, we have lines that are too long, extended wait times for students with red dots, and kids that – quite frankly – don’t even belong in the cafeterias. Add in the uncooperative kids that talk back to the lunch monitors, and we have a total catastrophe. Remember that chicken soup with veggies that almost everyone loved? It’s no longer available, which made Ari Cruz, a senior Sonderling student, upset and dissatisfied. He stated,“The soup used to relax me whenever I had a stressful day at school. I don’t understand why they took it off the menu, seeing as they always serve cold lunches.”

Inside this food mecca, fast food restaurants will include McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Chipotle, Cubanita. Additional choices include Plant Wise, which specializes in vegan foods and smoothies, and Sarku Japan with teriyaki chicken and sushi.

Ross student Sue Shi was excited about Sarku Japan opening: “I can’t wait to try their sushi and eat their fantastic Teriyaki chicken with that godly sauce.”

Sonderling student Ham Burger was thrilled about the new Smoothie flavors, stating “it’s going to be so great drinking something other than milk, apple juice, or orange juice!”

With the addition to the new lunch menu, students and staff get to enjoy coffee in the morning with Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks also opening. After hearing this news, teachers were overjoyed with the fact they didn’t need to drive for some time to get their morning coffee.

Principal Callan has approved this “food mecca” in order to improve the nourishment of the school’s students. School meals have never tasted so good.