I’m stuck in this loop between

what I want and what looks good

I don’t even know what is real anymore

I don’t know what to feel

Is it forced?

Is it pure?

The anxiety grows as I analyze each fact

Do I go for a fool

who will end up twisting my heart?

Or do I take the leap of faith

and fall for the one that society will despise?

Why is it that when the world becomes real

that everything is horrible?

My heart squeezes and I am gasping for air

When I just had the time of my life

Why do I care so much about stuff that has no purpose?

I don’t understand my reasoning to what feelings I possess

These thoughts

These emotions-

They are all fake

They are trying to pressure me to become somebody else

Someone who is constantly unhappy and scared

about what will happen on the other side

Can’t I just enjoy the life I have while I have it?

Why must I worry about later

and then say I did not have a stress free life

because I couldn’t live in the moment?

It’s not my fault anymore

I don’t want it here

I can live without it

So let me live