Have you ever been walking peacefully and randomly ending up against the wall or turning in the opposite direction of your destination? Well, schools are now giving mandatory Personal Space beepers to prevent any sort of pushing and shoving in Brentwood hallways.
Personal Space Beeper, a loud alarm followed by a “Stay Away!” warning will go off if it is detected that a student has been pushed, or if students are within 5 inches of each other, each student will receive their own along with a charger.
“I was monitoring the halls as usual when I saw a female student get crushed into the wall. The guys didn’t even turn around to see if she was okay. Her makeup was left as a display on the wall,” said Wyatt Watchman, a school security guard.
The beeper will be implemented as a result of complaints from Brentwood security guards and teachers who are worried about student safety.
“Watching these kids move from place to place is like watching a telenovela, and it’s ridiculous,” said a Spanish teacher.
Personal space beepers will work as new ID cards. The chip that is currently inside ID cards will be replaced and added onto each Personal Space beeper. Therefore, if yours gets lost, you’ll have to have the money in hand before entering the school to pay for a replacement.
For the ones who don’t have their beepers with them, they’ll receive in-school suspension.
Couples are now devastated after hearing such news. Any signs of affection from hand holding to hugging will now have to take place before students enter the building to start the school day.
“I just think personally this is so annoying. This school is always worrying about the wrong thing. Like, who cares that some girl got pushed into the wall. It wasn’t me, so it doesn’t matter for real,” said a senior girl from Sonderling.
If the beepers don’t work, administrators threaten the student body with returning to covid ways, each student will receive either green or gold days and will return every other day.
*This article is a satire and is not meant to be taken literally.*
